


what if I (told you that I love you)

by sunlightnoo



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Best Friends, Confessions, M/M, Picnics, Pining, heesun were only mentioned but they're cute sooo, i think...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:26:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28550838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunlightnoo/pseuds/sunlightnoo
Summary: “Why did you ask me to come here with you?”The dimpled man laughed, “You asked me to come here with you.”
Relationships: Nishimura Riki | Ni-ki & Yang Jungwon, Nishimura Riki | Ni-ki/Yang Jungwon, Park Jongseong | Jay/Yang Jungwon
Comments: 7
Kudos: 55





	what if I (told you that I love you)

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this in an hour, i think, got some random feels while talking to my friends (also inspired by what if i told you that i love you by alie gatie) and here we are! this ain't edited so pls bear with my typos and grammatical errors. enjoy!
> 
> kudos and comments are highly appreciated :>

**what if I (told you that I love you)**

“Hey.”

Ni-ki turned around to see Jungwon walking towards him. The guy still has the same cute smile, dimples digging deep on his cheeks and his eyes scrunching up. It’s infectious, so Ni-ki can’t help but smile with him.

“Sorry I’m late, I got held up by Heeseung-hyung,” he plops down on the picnic blanket that Ni-ki prepared. The younger follows him and sits down near him but still maintaining about a meter distance, for safety purposes, _of my heart_ , “Hyung thought it’ll be nice to ask Sunoo-hyung to go hiking with him. God, out of all of us, _he_ knows the most how much Sunoo-hyung prefers the sea over mountains,” he started ranting.

Jungwon has a lot of things to say, whether it is about their friends or the traffic he had to go through just to get there, he rants it out. And he listens. Because that is always how they work; the older opening topics and keeping him updated on his daily life while he listens.

“I just wish that he would gather up the courage and ask the poor guy out,” he started picking and plucking the grass near him, pouting adoringly while doing so, “It’s so hard to look at them without cringing at Heeseung-hyung’s poor attempt at flirting to seeing Sunoo-hyung’s confused expression.”

“Give them some time and they’ll come around.”

Taking the basket in front of him, he started unpacking the lunch he brought for the two of them. The picnic was sudden so he wasn’t able to bring a lot, but he made sure to pack their favorites; a simple homemade chicken sandwich for Jungwon and some _bunggeoppang_ for him. For some reasons, the older really likes it when he makes the sandwiches, though he thinks it’s not any different from what they can buy on the stores.

While taking out the foods and sorting the paper plates, Jungwon picked up the mini bluetooth speaker he brought, connecting it to his phone.

None of them notices, but the younger kept stealing glances at him. None of them, not even Ni-ki himself as he was busy trying to mute everything else aside from the soft humming coming from the other.

“Ha!” Ni-ki was startled when the other clapped and shouted all of the sudden, “Found you!” he turned to Ni-ki, who is anticipating whatever he’s about to say. Jungwon waved his phone in front of him excitedly, like a kid being rewarded with a candy.

Ni-ki raised an eyebrow; he can’t see what the other is showing him as he kept on waving it. Jungwon just smiled, clicking something on his phone before picking up the speaker again.

“How have you been Ni-ki?”

The question made him raise both of his eyebrows even more; he hadn’t expected it. He still answered it nonetheless.

“Fine.”

“Just fine?”

He shrugged, “Yeah, just fine.”

There was silence, borderline uncomfortable and he can’t help but look at the boy beside him only to find him already looking back. He can see him frowning but it was immediately replaced with a smile. One that still shows his dimples, but it doesn’t dig as deep, smile doesn’t reach his eyes either.

They went back to doing what they’re doing, him unpacking the snacks and Jungwon setting up the music. Unlike earlier though, there is now something in the air, left unsaid. Both tried to ignore it.

The first note resonated on the clear meadow and Ni-ki could recognize that song everywhere, anytime.

_What if I told that I love you?_

“The weather is pretty nice isn’t it?”

The weather is indeed, nice. Too pretty that he’s worried it’ll rain soon. It’s like that sometimes; calmness might as well be equivalent to an impending doom. Ni-ki silently bets that he’s gonna be met with a bad luck tomorrow if it does rain and if doesn’t, it will be a great day. He bets on it for no reason, like he always does.

Jungwon is looking up at the sky too, where the sky is blue and the clouds look soft and unthreatening. The sun is hiding behind them but some rays still managed to shine through, making everything it hits glow beautifully. Like the man himself, basking under the sunlight, looking like the piece of art that he is.

“It is.”

Clenching and unclenching his fists, he tried to calm his nerves that just came up on him right now. He wasn’t even nervous earlier, not that there is any reason to be anyway. _Or maybe there is_.

“I like it here,” he grins before leaning back even more, his arms supporting him from behind as he turns to face the sky fully.

Jungwon is _beautiful_. Ni-ki is aware of that, painfully so. No photograph can do justice to the beauty laid in front of him. With the soft breeze ruffling his hair and the bright light making him squint a little, no camera can capture the splendor that Yang Jungwon is.

_Pictures can immortalize the scenario but not the real beauty behind it._

“Why did you ask me to come here with you?”

The dimpled man laughed, “ _You_ asked me to come here with you.”

Technically, it was Ni-ki who asked Jungwon to come with him there, but it was the other who suggested that they go on a picnic together.

He glared at him, making him laugh even more, “Okay! Just kidding, jeez, 2 years and you still can’t take a joke.”

“And you’re still as playful as ever.”

“Am i?” he picked up the sandwich from the plate, taking a small bite from it before humming in satisfaction, “You still make the best sandwiches!”

He looked away, picking up his own food and digging in. It was hard to act like he wasn’t affected by the compliment when the tips of his ears are now flaring red.

“I just wanted to spend more time with my baby,” Ni-ki nearly choked, “am I not allowed to?”

Mumbling a small _“shut up”_ is the only thing he can do when he’s as flustered as he is right now.

_Was I a fool to believe in you?  
When you told me I was special  
Was I dumb for trusting you?_

“Ni-ki is still as cute as ever, aww” the older teased him, poking on his side where he is the most ticklish. He jumped out of instinct.

“I am not!”

“See? Even your voice sounds cute right now,” he continued teasing.

Jungwon is just simply teasing him like how he always does. His voice is obviously deeper and more mature than Jungwon’s, but for some reason, he doesn’t like being called _cute_ by the other. It makes him feel like a kid, not worthy of his interest and affection.

He knows that is not how it is, but that is what he feels like.

Ni-ki grumbled in protest, trying to ignore the other’s continuous cooing and taunting. He knows that he is just trying to provoke a reaction out of him, and he won’t satisfy him by giving in.

“Maybe that’s why I like you so much.”

That certainly made him react instantly. His whole body froze and just like in every cheesy dramas that he had watched, he turned slowly towards him.

“Have I ever told you that Ni-ki?” he asked, almost innocently with his eyes wide open, still biting on his chicken sandwich.

The younger tried to think rationally, of course he likes him. They’re friends, and friends like each other. That makes sense… _right?_

“Of course you do,” he nods, still trying to convince himself that it was meant that certain way, “You like all of your friends, I think you have never missed telling us that you like us every time you get emotional.”

Even saying that makes him feel flustered, his movements suddenly picking up its pace. Hurried and clumsy, he busies himself by picking apart the _bunggeoppang_ on his plate, stabbing it with his fork semi-consciously. He could feel the heat creeping up on his neck to his face.

But similar warmth latched on to the hand that’s torturing the poor food when Jungwon held it. He stopped from moving almost completely, his breathing hitched audibly. Ni-ki’s afraid that if he look at the man holding his hand, he would lose it.

So he didn’t look back, although he could feel the intensity of the gaze boring on the side of his face.

“Ni-ki,” his voice is careful yet still comforting, like a lullaby sucking him in; the same voice makes him feel vulnerable though, like he could be taken down easily with his guards down. “That is not how I meant it.”

Maybe he was just hearing things, _hearing what I want to hear_ , so he looked at him unwillingly to confirm. He was met with solemn eyes, firm yet soft. No longer there is the playful smile and teasing glint.

His parched throat felt scratchy but he pays it no mind, the words won’t process on his mind as fast as he wanted to; Jungwon spoke before he does again.

“You were too cute, shy and reserved, when we first met. At some point, I thought we wouldn’t get along, you kept on avoiding me.”

He tried to defend but Jungwon was speaking again, “Maybe you didn’t mean to, well, I’ve been told that I can be too much sometimes and I found you too cute not to bother. I am a sucker for cute people, cute things, Sunoo-hyung made me like this.”

“But when we got the chance to be close with each other, I realized that you’re not just cute, you’re also incredibly adorable. Your pranks and antics aren’t the type that would annoy me; they’re just plain silly, no offense, and charming.”

Ni-ki doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t want to break the moment either. A huge part of him also wants to hear what Jungwon wants to say. He wrings his wrist tightly, trying to get a clear grasp of himself for stability. The other’s words make him feel all jelly inside and he can’t go on like this, not when he knows that in the end, he’s bound to get hurt.

But still, he listens eagerly.

“I think it was when I was a junior at the university when I realized that I like you.”

His heart skipped a beat. _When I was a freshman; when I started liking him too_.

“We shared so many things in common; the music taste, similarity in fashion sense and the dancing! Oh my god, we love dancing so much! Remember when we stayed up all night in the university studio, trying to perfect the ‘replay’ choreo?” he nods in response, “Fun memories!”

“The sleepovers, late night walks, we did a lot together no? It had been always fun and easy with you…”

_I don't wanna say I miss you  
If l don't know that you miss me back  
I don't wanna say the wrong thing  
If I do, there's no coming back_

With each thing that comes out from his mouth, memories come resurfacing on his mind. Untroubled, they’re just enjoying the times like the teens that they were.

“…then I said, ah, I like Ni-ki so much, what do I do? I didn’t think that liking you would be so complicated, because no matter how much I tried to convey it, be it by my words or actions, you never said anything. So I guess there’s no point in pushing my luck, don’t want to ruin what we got back then.”

It was like water was splashed down on his face. That’s exactly what he did back then, dropping subtle hints that might have been too subtle if Jungwon never noticed, just like how he hadn’t picked up on the other’s own.

“Trying not to look at you as more than a friend seemed too hard after that, but funny how I can’t imagine you as anything more than my best friend right now,” his confession is accompanied by a giggle.

Jungwon let go of his hand in favor of picking up the bottle of grape juice, the warmth being taken away from him. “There were times when I used to think, what if I confessed? _If I tell you all my feelings, would you believe me, yeah?_ ” the older snickered as he quoted the lyric from the song playing, “But never mind that, I was knocked with my senses. I figured out that we are really meant to be only friends.”

The wind blew stronger, not raging, but it wasn’t as calm either. As if it can sense his sorrows and regrets, the sky dims as it joins him in his silent mourning. Love that could have been reciprocated right now, had he confessed with his little courage.

He could’ve screamed how much he likes the other back then; they could’ve been a blushing mess together, bursting into a fit of giggles as the imaginary fireworks set off in the distance. Picture perfect memories that could’ve go down their history.

But he didn’t.

_I wish I told you that I loved you  
Now it's too late, you have someone new_

As if on cue, Jungwon’s phone rang, the speaker echoing the sound. The older answered it, not bothering to disconnect it from the speaker.

“ _Wonnie!_ ” Jay’s voice sounded from the speaker, loud and clear even with the rough static interrupting him.

“Yes babe?”

Ni-ki pretends not to hear them, but he can’t deny the small pang of envy on his chest.

“ _Mind if I ask for your assistance?_ ”

Jungwon’s forehead creases for a second, “Is it an emergency?” he looks at Ni-ki for a second, and the said man feigns ignorance. He just continued to eat his snack as if nothing bothers him at all.

“ _Kind of?_ ”

“You’re not sure?” he asked teasingly, fully knowing how easily embarrassed the other could get.

“ _It is!_ ” Jay spoke with more confidence this time, though he could hear the slight wobble on his words still.

“If you say so,” he sing-songs.

Ni-ki shut them out. He doesn’t need any more pain or regret than he already feels right now. Crashing waves of guilt hit him too, how dare he envy the relationship his friends have right now? It’s his fault that he lost his chance anyway. There’s no one to blame but him.

There was a tap on his shoulder, putting him out of his stupor, “Ni-ki?” Jungwon calls.

“Huh?”

“I’ll be going now,” he informs, “Sorry I couldn’t stay long, Jay-hyung is being a baby again, can’t live without me,” he chuckles as if what he said is funny. It might be, if Ni-ki isn’t such a mess.

“It’s alright,” he forces out, trying to prevent his lip from quivering.

“Hope we could catch up more sometimes! I feel like we missed a lot in those 2 years that you went back to Japan.”

He just nodded, _2 years of trying to forget you but to no avail_ , he thought bitterly.

Jungwon stood up to leave, but there was hesitance in his stance. The younger watched as he opened his mouth open, waiting for him to talk.

It took a minute for him to actually speak; “I really appreciate being your best friend Ni-ki,” he started quietly, his voice almost sounding airy, “What I said…it doesn’t bother you, right?” he asked.

Honestly, his thoughts are currently all in shambles, not coherent enough to decide whether he’s really fine or not but he’s pretty sure that what Jungwon confessed, bothers him. A lot. He won’t say that though, if he can be anything for him, it is to be a good friend.

Ni-ki nodded, “No way. I am glad you’re my best friend too,” he said instead, swallowing the heartache threatening to burst out in the form of tears.

The older let out a relieved sigh, “I was worried for a second!” there it is, the wide smile that Ni-ki loves so much. Hurts him equally as much too.

Jungwon had nothing to worry about anymore; he had let out his confessions. It hurts to know that he must keep his own side to himself. Or not…he could tell his other friends about it, but he doesn’t think that he can.

“I’ll be going now?”

Ni-ki smiled, defeated, “Take care,” he said sincerely.

Waving at him, Jungwon walks backward to flash him a final, grateful smile. He then turned around to enter his own car before driving away to meet with his lover, Jay.

A lone tear dripped down from his left eye, rolling down to his cheeks. His cold fingers brushed it away but only more rushed down as if taunting him. Ni-ki laughs mirthlessly at the situation.

He looked up at the sky. The clouds are no longer there, only the gray skies that spreads out endlessly. Gloomy and dark, like it would burst into a harsh rain, like him who’s crying his pain out. He’s never been the emotional type, heck, he can’t even remember the last time he cried this desperately.

Pent-up emotions really do hit you the hardest; he learned it the hard way.

_What if I told you that I need you?  
Would you tell me that you need me, too?_

Left with no choice but to accept the truth, Ni-ki drills it into his head. It feels like acid burning him from the inside, but he isn’t selfish to deny his friends the happiness he can’t afford right now.

“ _What if I told you that i…_ ” he shook his head, the phrase _what if_ leaving a sour taste on his mouth. He should stop.

In the middle of the meadow, sprawled out on the picnic blanket alone with only the unfinished foods surrounding him, he looks pitiful, he knows. But does it really matter when there’s nobody to see? He stayed unmoving, pondering.

He blinks up at the sky, not knowing how long he stared at it but noticing how it slowly clears up.

Ni-ki gives a hopeful smile remembering his bet as he realizes that it never rained.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact (that you might know already): when tears come out from the right eye first, it's from happiness but if it comes out from the left, it's from pain. if it comes out together in sync...that idk 😭😭
> 
> i'm @sunlightnoo on twt!!


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